Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
