Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
