How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
