I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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