Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
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