Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
