Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
