Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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