Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
