Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
