she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
