dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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