Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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