so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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