just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
