I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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