if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
