I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
