oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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