we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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