You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Randomize
