I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
