youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
