Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Randomize
