We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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