You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
