Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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