Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
