Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
