I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
