Screwed.edu
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I am naked and annoyed.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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