I'm gonna have a badass scar
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
