I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
This toilet bowl is my home.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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