imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
