Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
