Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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