I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
