all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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