Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
