Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
