i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
