We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
