last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
