Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
