Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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