Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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