Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
