I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
