dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
