ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
should my penis look like a turkey
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
