if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
