i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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