I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
